Aries (March 21 - April 19)
Aries, the stars have aligned this week to remind you of the importance of patience. Spoiler alert: You still don’t have any. By Thursday, you'll be ready to give the universe a piece of your mind, but try deep breathing instead. Or coffee. Or both. Either way, avoid confrontations—nobody wins those, especially when you're involved.
Taurus (April 20 - May 20)
This week, you’ll feel a powerful urge to treat yourself. Again. While indulging is practically your middle name, maybe consider skipping the splurge this time. Your bank account has already filed a restraining order.
Gemini (May 21 - June 20)
You’re in for a week of communication misfires. Expect awkward misunderstandings, especially via text—so maybe avoid sending anything that could be interpreted in 23 different ways.
Cancer (June 21 - July 22)
This week brings you all the emotions, with a high chance of burnout by Thursday night. But just remember: it’s okay to take a break. A nap and a sweet treat may not be the therapy you need, but it's close enough.
Leo (July 23 - August 22)
You’ll feel a sudden surge of inspiration this week. By Wednesday, you'll probably have started a new project, planned world domination, and posted about it on social media. But by Friday? Yeah, that enthusiasm will have worn off. Try to pace yourself, superstar—Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Virgo (August 23 - September 22)
Perfectionism strikes again this week, Virgo. You'll spend half your time fixing things that aren’t broken and the other half stressing over imaginary problems. By Thursday, you’ll realize you’ve reorganized your to-do list more times than you’ve actually done anything on it. Maybe—just maybe—relaxing wouldn’t be the end of the world.
Libra (September 23 - October 22)
As the diplomatic sign, you’ll be busy this week keeping everyone around you happy. And by “happy,” I mean slightly less irritated. By Friday, you might question whether you actually like these people or if you're just stuck with them. Spoiler: It's the latter. Just smile and nod until the weekend arrives.
Scorpio (October 23 - November 21)
This week, your magnetic energy is off the charts, Scorpio, and people will finally recognise your genius in every word you say. By Wednesday, you’ll be dishing out advice and deep insights like you're everyone’s life coach, and honestly, they could use it.
Sagittarius (November 22 - December 21)
The wanderlust bug bites you hard this week, Sagittarius. Unfortunately, your bank account reminds you that the furthest you'll be traveling is to your next lecture. Don’t worry—there’s always the weekend to plan your next "definitely going to happen" trip.
Capricorn (December 22 - January 19)
You’ll be laser-focused on your goals this week—again. Congrats! Except you might want to double-check if those goals are still, you know, possible. Midweek, someone will try to convince you to take a break, but you'll roll your eyes and push through. By Sunday, when you’re exhausted, you’ll finally admit they were right.
Aquarius (January 20 - February 18)
This week, you’re all about thinking outside the box, Aquarius. But by Tuesday, you’ll realize that maybe some boxes are there for a reason. Expect to spend the weekend explaining your latest brilliant idea to people who just don’t "get it." Spoiler alert: They probably won’t get it by next week either, but don’t let that stop you.
Pisces (February 19 - March 20)
Your imagination is on fire this week. Unfortunately, so is your ability to avoid reality. By Wednesday, you’ll realize that you’ve procrastinated everything while daydreaming about a life that involves less responsibility. To all my Pisces pals, remember: deadlines are real, no matter how much you pretend they’re not.
Credit: Holly Lumsden.
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