Navigating the world is tricky: nobody wants to say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, feel the wrong thing. This isn’t new. I believe people generally want to do good, whatever that means for them. But, we have reached a new point in left-leaning spaces where, even unknowingly, we can do the wrong thing.
It has become so important to check online to see what the culture is leaning towards, what the latest viral think piece is saying, to know how to behave and what to think in order to avoid accidentally doing wrong. Every action and thought must go through careful screening and everything must be said with a question mark and apologies surrounding it, just in case our filters missed something.
Continuous checking, reassurance seeking, fear of being contaminated with the wrong opinions – our culture is living in a state of perpetual OCD.
I have struggled for over a decade with what is called Pure O, a form of OCD characterised by intrusive thoughts and mental compulsions, usually surrounding the fear that you are morally wrong, or in some way impure. I constantly live in my head, ruminating on the same thoughts and memories over and over to make sure that I am not a bad person, whatever that means. I convince myself that I’m going to harm people, that I have already harmed people, that I was manipulating even myself into believing otherwise.
Every horrible image that pops into my mind is scoured over, ripped apart, while I check my body’s reactions to make sure it isn’t what I secretly wanted. Every word I say or think is repeated in my mind whilst I find every possible thing wrong with it, proving unequivocally that I am evil.
What I see when I look at cancel culture is the same thing. Even saying the words ‘cancel culture’ will turn people against you. OCD works in the exact same way. When I try to rationalise that the fears I have are caused by my mental illness, and not from reasonable belief, it hits me with an UNO reverse card – “you are using OCD as an excuse, to let yourself off the hook for your undeniably evil nature, proving even further that you are evil.”
If someone complains about cancel culture, people will jump to say “cancel culture is only scary if you have done something worth being cancelled.” And yes, of course, there are times when it is justified to call people out for their actions on a wider scale – abusers, people purposefully causing harm or spreading hate. But what I am talking about is the trickledown effect it has had into everyday life, on everyday people who are afraid of being on the wrong side by saying something that isn’t generally agreed upon.
Learning to deal with OCD has been extremely difficult, but to come out of that and back into a world where your worst fears are a reality is exhausting. A world where, if you don’t conduct your checking behaviours, you face the real life consequences of being painted as wrong and harmful, irredeemable without trial.
If we cancel well-meaning people with the same brush as those who are racist, or predatory, what weight does it really have, and how will we ever get anything done?
It shouldn’t be the norm to have to engage in the paranoia of checking behaviours, to wash yourself raw until you can prove to everyone that you are pure inside and out. And besides, if we’re only being ‘good’ in order to be accepted, does it even really count? Maybe we should just think for ourselves and trust our own morality.
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