Dear Dating Diva,
There’s this girl I really like, but she’s way of my league. She’s hot, smart, funny, charming, the whole package. She’s probably got a million options. I met her several months ago through friends, and we get along great, but I don’t know if she views me as a friend or as something more. She’s quite hard to read and a bit (a lot) intimidating, and I wish I knew where I stand. Can you help me figure out if I have a chance?
Thanks,
Am-I-In-The-Friend-Zone Fred
Dear Am-I-In-The-Friend-Zone Fred,
Let me start with that famous Wayne Gretzky quote: ‘You miss 100% of the shots you don't take’. Right now, you aren’t dating her. The only way you’ll date her is if one of you plucks up the courage ask the other one out. It sounds as though you think that person will need to be you.
Right now, you don’t have the confidence to ask her out because you think she’s ‘out of your league’ and has better options than you. But what does being out of someone’s league mean anyway? That’s something you decide based on a variety of factors: the media you consume, the friends you hang out with, your cultural background, etc.
I don’t want you to think that anyone’s ‘out of your league’, rather, that you recognize that this is a projection of your values and fears. You need to figure out what those fears/values are and work on untangling them from your ability to ask people out.
It also sounds like you’re making a major assumption that she’s got other options. Maybe she does, maybe she doesn’t. But rest assured, if you’re intimidated, other guys are too. Chances are, she probably hasn’t been asked out nearly as much as you think. Point being, don’t let your assumption intimidate you into chickening out.
Now whether or not she actually likes you, is a whole other question. She clearly likes you as a person, so you’re already more than halfway there. My advice is to do some detective work. Next time you’re in a group setting with her, ask everyone who their celebrity crush is… subtly.
If that doesn’t yield results, ask your mutual friends if they know who she likes or has liked in the past. They may not know, but I’ll bet they’ll be willing to help. After all, who doesn’t like playing cupid? If they know who she’s liked in the past, then you can establish her type, if she has one. They might not look the same, but I’ll bet there’s a few similar features.
You need to be honest with yourself. Do you fit into this type? If the answer is yes…hopefully this will make you more confident in asking her out. If not, bite the bullet and just ask her out. The worst thing that can happen is that she says no and you’re in the same position that you’re in now.
Let me know how it goes,
If you have a dating dilemma, email standrewsthestand@gmail.com.
Comments