Dear Dating Diva,
I was dating this girl for a few weeks and I thought things were going well, until out of the blue she broke up with me a week before Valentine’s Day. I knew she was going through some personal stuff, but she didn’t explain why she broke up with me, only saying it ‘wasn’t my fault’ and cut off all contact. Many months later, she asked if we could catch up and explain herself. I was very hurt by her actions, but I really like her. I’m tempted to give her the benefit of the doubt but I don’t want to get dumped again. What should I do?
Yours,
Confused Cameron
Dear Confused Cameron,
Yikes! This is quite the quandary. If she hurt you so badly, why do you want to give this another chance? After all, how well do you really know her? A few (or several) dates may not be enough to gather the full scope of someone’s character, especially if they’re on the best behaviour, as one often is at the beginning of a relationship. I find it particularly telling that she broke up with you ‘out of the blue’. You need to ask yourself some tough questions. Are you in denial? Maybe there were signals you chose to ignore. Did you really get along that well? Make sure you are not remembering those few weeks of dating with rose coloured glasses.
We all go through rough patches in life, and it’s important to ask for support from those closest to us. If she asked you for help and you didn’t come through for her, that’s probably the reason she kicked you to the curb (and rightfully so, in my opinion). If this was the case, I still find it interesting that she did not tell you the real reason behind your breakup, after all, this clarity could have led to personal growth on your part. But if you asked her how you could support her, and she couldn’t or wouldn’t communicate her needs to you, she’s not ready to be in a relationship. In either scenario, it boils down to a lack of communication on her part. Perhaps, she has realised that her communication skills were lacking and has reached out to either tell you the true reason she ended things, apologise for her lack of explanation, and/or try to get back together with you.
If, after considering the above you are truly still interested in this girl, my advice is to forgive but not to forget. Yes, you read that correctly. I am not telling you to forgive and forget. In my opinion, that’s a bunch of BS. By forgiving her, you can move on with your relationship, in whatever direction you wish to take it. By remembering the past, perhaps certain patterns in her behaviour will be revealed to you in the future.
Wishing you the best of luck in your romantic endeavours,
The Dating Diva
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